No doubt. Being cheated on is one of the worst feelings in the world. The earth-shattering sense of betrayal rocks you to your core.
You go from being confidently in love to feeling like someone yanked the rug out from under your feet.
You’re angry, and unsure.
You wonder what you did or didn’t do to encourage your partner to step out on you. It doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman; the feeling of disrespect is the same.
Like most of us have at one point or another, you're probably wondering... Well, what do I do now?
What happens now depends on a few things, but all of them are up to YOU.
How would YOU like to move forward?
Are you willing to give your partner another chance or are you ready to close the door on this chapter of your life and move on solo?
As hard as it seems - give yourself time to process what’s happened.
Try not to make any sudden moves or decisions at the moment. Your heart and mind are more than likely still reeling. So, its best not to move too quickly and make rush judgments when you’re at your most vulnerable state.
Thoughts of revenge and possibly self-harm may cross your mind, don’t entertain them.
I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but this emotional pain is temporary.
How long it lasts depends on the next step you decide to take. If you want to get over it and into a clear mental space as fast as possible - guide your mind away from self-pity, doubt, and blaming yourself.
Following a breakup is one of the best times to get back into into your personal goals and dreams.
Michelle gets really deep into this topic in the "You Can't Hurt Me No More, Self-Love Kit for Empaths Who Love Too Hard - Digital Course."
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Being cheated on is NOT your fault.
Besides, even in the worst situation you're never be responsible for the actions of any other person - unless you held them by threat or force to do your will.
And when it comes to being cheated on, we're certain it's not what you wanted or expected.
But as a result, you're challenged to do something to protect yourself from future relationship problems.
When your partner shows you that who they are is someone entirely different behind your back, please believe them!
Here are 3 actions you can take now.
Assemble Your Crew.....
When something hits you hard; like an infidelity, you’re gonna need someone to talk to and lean on while you’re feeling unsteady.
Consider seeking professional help.
Locate a counselor or psychologist who specializes in relationship conflict and healing practices after a messy breakup.
If seeking out a professional isn’t your thing, you can find emotional comfort and support in the familiar company of friends.
But not just any friends. Trustworthy friends who can help you see clearly and remain objective.
Being around friends will remind you of who you are to others, which lessen any tendency to dwell on who you were with the person who violated your trust.
Though this is a delicate situation, you need friends who will be honest with you.
Avoid surface friends who just tell you what you want to hear, though they mean well.
You have a decision to make!
To Confront Or Not To Confront....
Whether to confront them or or not is a personal decision, and it can often be trickey.
Unless you have solid, irrefutable physical evidence such as voicemails, explicit pictures or the like; it may be hard to confront your cheater.
If your partner has a history of cheating in past relationships, that's enough red flag to assure you they may not be ready to change this pattern.
NO MATTER WHAT THEY TELL YOU.
Let's call this pattern what it is - a nasty habit. Literally. Especially, if you didn't sign up for the 3-way traffic. Ugh.
Conversations with a cheater are emotionally dangerous while you're feeling vulnerable.
Because, while you're feeling vulnerable this is the perfect time for your cheater to act desperate.
Cheaters can be very skilled at turning themselves into victims when caught out there.
This contradicting behavior and inability to admit to any wrongdoing can leave you feeling slighted a second time.
You might begin to feel confused in a conversation like this and be at risk for second guessing yourself, again.
Creating instability and smokescreens are major tactics in a cheater's plan to keep you stuck.
As long as you're questioning yourself, there will be no time to question them.
Your Final Decision....
So, you’ve thought it through...
weighed the good with the bad...
gave it some time...
spoke with friends and came up with a plan....
With your newfound sense of calm, clarity and confidence you’ve decided to move on without your partner.
You made this decision because you know there's more for you and better relationships are available for you when you're over this one.
And, if you were locked in a financial or living situation with your cheater make sure you're planning a full break.
Try not to be tricked or influenced out of your decision to leave by staying under the same roof as the person who hurt you.
Too much access to one another could cause a regretful relapse, and relapse means "another opportunity for you to be cheated on."
This is where your friends and family have opportunities to show their support and give you the guest room... or the sofa.
Getting over a cheater means you’re doing something extraordinarily difficult. You should be proud of yourself for trying.
It’s not easy to pick up the broken pieces of your ego and self-esteem and use those same pieces to build yourself back up.
Infidelity is one of the worst types of treachery, it makes you not only question yourself but humanity as a whole.
For this reason, I urge you to be very gentle with yourself.
Self-care is very important during this time. If certain songs, movies make you feel sad, take a break from them.
If driving and/or walking down certain streets bring back painful memories, find an alternative route.
It will take time to regain your self-confidence and emotional strength.
Allow yourself all the time you need to heal and grow from this situation.
Make the most of your new found freedom.
Use it to rediscover the best parts of yourself, the things you're capable of achieving, and do it on your own terms.
by, LeTesha Groom
Guest Contributing Writer
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